I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
