just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
