Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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