You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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