I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
