So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
