Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
