Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
please come you make the beer taste better
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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