one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
