So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
