Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
