I can text with my tongue
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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