Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Houston, we have a squirter
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
