look no pants
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
