He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
