If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
