You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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