this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
