Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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