don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
