if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
