I want to have your abortion
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
