$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
