when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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