I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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