Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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