I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's get the cat blown out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
