At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A bitchslap is in order.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
