I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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