well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
