ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
