my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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