Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize