You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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