when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
