Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
