What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
