You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
