I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
