I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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