Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
