dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
