just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
