My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
