Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
