Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
