Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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