the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
