I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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