Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
